this is the end...

So I had to go to the doctor today. I have chronic pain issues and just plain old issues. And each of these issues now require medication so I've had to actively wean Isaiah this week. He's just nursing at night now and I'm trying to be done by friday. I'm sure there will be much crying but he'll be okay. My goal was 2 years and we did that and then some. I'm sure there will be much crying on my part too. I'll officially be leaving baby land forever this time.

Isaiah turns 2

Yes, I'm still nursing my son.
Yes, he did just turn two.
No, I don't know when he'll wean.
Yes, I'm quite sure it will be before college.

No, it's not causing his teeth to rot.
No, it is certainly not spoiling him.
Yes, he does eat other food.
No, it won't cause him to be too thin or too chubby.

Yes, he does squirm a lot.
Yes, he does refuse to be covered up now.
No, it doesn't hurt.
Yes, I know it's because he's healthy and strong.

No, I don't rush him.
No, I don't think he's done yet.
Yes, I will know when we're done.
No, it won't be today.

Yes, sometimes I'm a bit "touched out".
Yes, sometimes I say no to him.
No, that doesn't mean I have to stop.
Yes, I'm very happy with this nursing relationship.

funny thing about nursing a toddler #212

Isaiah was nursing before naptime yesterday. He was getting that sleepy, zombie look on his face so I thought he was ready to fall asleep. Then all the sudden he pops off, tells me all about some big truck and how it drives here and there and all around and then latched back on and went to sleep.

Isaiah turns 2 next month and I know these days are almost done. Part of me is ready to be alone in this body, not have to worry about having a beer or taking some motrin. But I just can't believe we are here already. Why does it have to go so fast?

Last week Isaiah was pretty sick. He had hand, foot, mouth disease- a virus that kids often get. He had a high fever and a sore throat that made him scream in pain. He didn't even want water because it hurt his throat so much; but he would breastfeed. It was like having a newborn again. And although at times I found myself getting frustrated with so much time on the couch- I tried to be mindful that this was likely the last time I would ever be doing this. I was so grateful we were still nursing.

I am so grateful.

homeschooling lesson- spring harvest jelly

Last fall the kids and I gathers acorns to make pancakes. This spring we gathered dandelions to make jelly. Our yard had plenty so we didn't have to even leave home for this project.

We needed 4 cups of the yellow parts of the flower- that is a lot of dandelions!

Isaiah helped too!

This was his contribution.

See the rest of the story here.

the benefits of breastfeeding my potty-trainer

22 months and still nursing happily- Isaiah and I are both happy with keeping this relationship going. I had never considered before today the benefits of nursing during potty training! Yesterday we got home from seeing the Tigers and we were all tired out from a long, fun day outside. I wanted to just crash on the couch but Isaiah declared he had to poop. He'd only been on the potty once before just as a joke more than anything, but I believed him and put him on there- and he DID IT! Pee and poop. And he seemed to understand how to make it all work on demand! Yes!! I love child-directed parenting. He was ready, so he asked to do it!

Today, so far, he's been dry all day and has asked to go when needed. The benefits of breastfeeding have been that I don't have to reward him with junky candy or wasteful stickers- he just has a little milk when he's done. He feels happy, supported and very big!

thoughts on nursing a toddler

I've never made it this far into the breastfeeding relationship. Solstice was only just over a year and Aiden was about 18 months when they weaned. Isaiah is 20 months now and this is a whole new thing.
1. I've never nursed a talking child before. It adds a whole new dimention to "don't talk with your mouth full".
2. When the first breast is out of fast flowing milk, Isaiah will sign "all done" and then quickly sign "milk" meaning he wants to easier milk that would come from switching sides.
3. Often I am awaken as night to Isaiah climbing over me to get to the breast with more milk. He just helps himself (which is good) but he finds it easier to go over me than around.

tick tock

Isaiah is still breastfeeding on demand. He doesn't ask as often throughout the day, but he really hasn't slowed down yet.



But I know the time is coming. Aiden and Solstice were both weaned at this age. I've been hoping all along to make it to his second birthday and I have no reason to think we won't.



But everyday that goes by and gets us closer to his birthday makes me a little sad. I really hate the idea of giving up this part of our relationship. I know new and exciting things will happen in his second year but there is something so magical about right now.



I love that he can ask for milk and tell me when he's all done. I love how we communicate when he's busy nursing. I love how he fits perfectly on my lap.



Why do they have to grow up?

Acorn Pancakes

The kids and I are on a great adventure this year- we are having a go at homeschooling. So far, it's been a lot of work! but very fun and a great challenge. We are currently studying life in Colonial America. They have never learned much of basic American history so I thought it would be a great place to start. We are also doing a basic study in plants (classification, identification). So, we those topics in mind, I thought it might be fun to go out in the woods and harvest acorns to make into colonial-style pancakes. My main objectives were to get them to be able to identify the kind of acorns we wanted and then to get a good understanding of how hard people used to have to work to get their food.
I think I we managed the last objective.
Here is the process for eating acorns- it took all evening yesterday to prepare them, the roasted over night and then we made the pancakes this morning for breakfast.
We gathered about half of a plastic grocery sack full. I didn't want to empty out the park but I wanted to make sure we had enough. It ended up making just a cup of acorn meal. About 1/3 of the acorns were bad- full of worms or rotten.









It works best to boil them in the shell for a few minutes so the knife can go in easier.

I have a great knife for this task- the end broke off so there is a blunt end that I used to dig into the shell. This took a long time but was the kind of repetative kitchen task that soothes me.
So then you have a pot of acorn meat. This needs to be boiled to remove the tannins. It smells SO good while you are doing this! Kind of like carmel and wine and brown sugar. Yum.






So I let it boil for 10 minutes and then I strained it out through a cloth in a strainer. Then you have to repeat this process over and over until the water starts to run clearer. I tasted it after a few times and it was still pretty bitter (like crazy strong walnuts) so I kept going. I'm not sure how many times I did this, maybe 10.
Then I ran the acorn meat through the food processer to make it more like a meal. If I were going to do this ever again, I would get some kind of flour mill. The food processer just didn't really work for this task.
Then the roasting. I spread it thin on cookie sheets and put it in the oven set on a real low temp (260). I roasted it like this for about 2 hours before bed (stirring ever once in awhile). Then at bed time I turned off the oven but the pilot light kept it hot enough to continue roasting over night.




In the morning, it was much darker and the taste was real mellow. I ran it through the food processer again to try and get it more like a meal, but like I said, it just isn't meant for that. So it was the best it was going to get.



This is the recipe I used:
1 cup flour
1 cup acorn meal
2 1/2 tsp baking powder
3/4 tsp salt
1 egg
1 1/4 cup milk
3 Tbs vegetable oil

We ate them with raspberry syrup we made this summer after we picked raspberries on Solstice's b-day. We also boiled up the apples we found in the woods yesterday. Yumm.

So, what did the kids think?
The pictures speak loud and clear:



Was it worth the effort? Yes.
Will we do it again anytime soon? No.

weight loss

One of my New Years resolutions was to eat better and hopefully lose some weight. I refuse to diet ever again. Life is too short to not eat chocolate. I've been trying to eat as Vegan as possible. And I've been doing pretty well with that. I'm certainly not 100%.
For breakfast I've been eating oatmeal everyday. I make it on the stove with just some salt. Sometimes I put raisins or apples in it. I mix it with some soymilk after its cooked. I'm really loving it. And it keeps me feeling full for hours and hours.

For lunch lately I've been eating hommus with crackers. The crackers are extra high fiber crackers. I don't have any info to back this up, but my theory is that lots of fiber has to be good for a diet and must balance the higher carb rate. I don't eat a lot because I'm usually still pretty full from the oatmeal.
I eat whatever everyone else is having for dinner. This is where I have a harder time staying vegan. I use a lot of milk in baking and in the winter soups I make. But whenever I can leave out the cheese for my own dinner I do. And I've tried to make sure that half of my dinner is made of vegetables. If I want more I make myself have more vegetables too. It seems to fill me up just as well and gets me to eat more raw vegetables (which I love but have a harder time eating in the winter).
And then the biggest change for me is NO snacking after dinner. I'm a huge snacker. I love popcorn or ice cream in the evening. But no more. Lately Andre and I have been making a pot of tea in the evening and I just sip on that. Its been a good routine.
I've not been strict and there are cookies and bites of chocolate mixed in there for balance. Like I said, I don't want to feel like I'm dieting.
And its working. Since december I've lost over 20 pounds. I don't weigh myself often. I think it's just evil to have those numbers in my head all the time. But I weighed myself at my sisters this week and was so surprised by what I saw! I knew I was doing good because my clothes fit so different but still I was shocked!
Guess I'll just keep doing what I'm doing.
And of course, I'll keep my biggest diet tip- Breastfeeding burns about 500 calories a day!

i want

*a spurtle

*a woven basket to carry to the farmers market this summer

*this book about knitting socks

*a SIGG

knitting ideas for the year-

I've been sick and while laying around I've been thinking about what I want to knit this year.
I've accomplished one of my knitting goals this week, I learned to cable knit. I was trying to find a pattern for a cable knit oven mitt but I haven't had any luck yet. I was thinking it would be a good holiday gift idea. (I know its early to be thinking of these things, but with a baby this year, its gonna take a long time if I want to make gifts this year). I can find plenty of cable knit mittens but kitchen mitts could need to be thicker and I'm not sure how to do that with cables.
Anyway- I did find this non-cabled, felted pattern I might do:

For Easter I think these would be fun:

I want to make this crown for Isaiah's first birthday:

I also found an apron pattern but I'm not sure about it. I love the idea. I might just figure one out on my own.

peek a boo

I know the picture is terrible- it was kinda dark in the living room last night while we were hanging out on the couch. Andre and I were playing peek-a-boo with Isaiah and he was laughing and playing along. Then he took the blanket and started playing too! He's never done that before. It seems so early for him to be able to play games and know he's being funny! I was laughing so hard I was crying! It was great! Andre and I had him playing again today too.

another milestone

or two I guess.
Isaiah now has two teeth. He's doing a great job learning not to bite me and I'm very grateful for that.
Today he was sitting in his car/walker thingy and I fed him half of a cheerio and put the other half on his tray. He promptly picked it up, between thumb and finger, and ate it. It doesn't sound like much, but it's a huge milestone for babies.
It means that he understands eating and will soon be feeding himself. Of course it also means we have to watch him non-stop because everything will now be making its way into his mouth. Before, he could only really grab bigger objects, things I didn't have to worry about him eating, but now everything (fuzzies, dirt, etc) is fair game.
Also, he's going to be crawling any day now.
These seven months have gone by so fast!

Last weekend we did the Dedication service at church for Isaiah. My church doesn't do baptism for babies, we believe its a decision that the child should make for themselves when they are older. But we do make a commitment before the Lord to submit the child to God's will and to raise that child according to God's Word and God's ways. (okay, I copied that last bit, it was much more articulate that I was in trying to describe it). It meant a lot to me and I was so happy and honored that our families came together to celebrate Isaiah.

milk coma

I just had to share that picture. He fell asleep nursing, and I couldn't put him down- he was too cute. Then he smiled in his sleep and the little milk drool was running down his chin.
It is good.

Hope

I stopped the whirlwind of my day to watch the inauguration of President B. Obama today. I sat, with baby on breast, with a pile of diapers at my feet waiting to be folded, with lentils simmering on the stove for dinner, with apples waiting to be turned to baby food, with the wash and dryer running, I stopped to breath a deep breath of hope.
I'm glad that this is the man that my children will have clear memories of as president. I hope he can be a shining example to them that one person can really make a difference, can really change the world.
And then I thought about myself and if I've really changed the world in anyway, in folding diapers and cooking lentils.
But each leader, each Obama, Clinton, Kennedy, each Washington, had a mother who cooked for them and kept them well, who taught them about love, and hope and what is right and what is wrong. I hope I can mother in the shadow of those women who taught their children so well.
God bless America.

ahhhh winter

Winter is tough on the stay-at-home mom types. I realized this morning that I have not left the house since thursday. And that was just for a chiropractor appointment. I have not spoken to another adult besides Andre (and he is working a ton right now so that isn't even too much) in days. When Solstice and Aiden were babies I had other mom friends with babies the same age and we were pretty good at visiting each other so no one went coo-coo.
I'm feeling a bit coo-coo at this point.
I wish it would at least warm up enough that I could take the kids out for a walk or something. Stir-crazy is not a good place to be.
I'm soooo looking forward to Burns Night this weekend!!

teething begins

I swore to myself when I found out I was pregnant this time that I would take in every moment and not let it fly. I would try to memorize every sensation. I would try to take a mental picture at every smile, at every feeding, at every moment of peaceful baby sleep.
But somehow six months has flown by anyway.
And now Isaiah is teething.
He's also pretty good at eating. He loves apples and potatos mixed together. He can almost sit up on his own. He's taking less naps. He's waving (whether on purpose or not, we're not sure). He can play "get Daddys nose" and even play it with Mommy or sister or brother.
But back to teething. This is the milestone that has hit me the hardest. This is the big sign that he is entering into kid-dom.
He's such a wonderful baby, so happy and joyful. Teething has taken a toll on his happiness. He's been very miserable. Crying and even screaming at times.
I feel so bad for him. It must be awful to suddenly have this pain that you can't understand and it just never seems to get better- and it hurts most when you are doing what usually soothes you the most! Eating hurts him at times. That just makes me sad for him.
Overall he's handling it quite well. He's still more smiliey than any other baby I've ever seen.
Even last night when everything fell apart, he was able to give me a smile. He was up a lot last night. He's wake up crying, screaming, unable to be soothed. And then at one of the worst points of the night, I suddenly get a terribly bloody nose! That was just crazy! (of course Andre would have gotten up and helped me if I'd asked, for the record, but I really try not to bug him when he has to go out in the world and work all day) So I was running back and forth between trying to calm Isaiah and taking care of my nose. Life is crazy. But once he got calmed, he gave me a big smile and weent back to sleep.
I hope this tooth will break all the way through soon and we can have a little break before the next one starts.

chiropractic care

A friend of mine from church mentioned to me a few monthes ago that she met this man in her small group that was a chiropractor and that his speciality was exactly the kind of injury that I have. She told me I needed to make an appointment. I was excited about the information but put off calling for a long time. After the accident I spent all my time in appointments. I think I was seeing around 15 specialists all in all. I just got tired of doctors and being messed with. So the idea of starting in on appointments with someone again was kinda scary. But I was complaining again and she totally called me out on not calling yet.
So I did finally. I've been so impressed with this doctor. I am hopeful for the first time in years that this injury might actually be healed. I had resigned myself to accepting that it might only be managed and I'd be dealing with it forever.
He's said he is absolutely certain that he can fix this neck injury. I've never had anyone say they think its completely fixable. And if the improvement that came from this first week is any measure, than I really do believe him.
He's explained to me how the top vertebrae (c1 and c2) are moved and how they have been compressing my brain stem all this time. He explained how that can lead to all kinds of feelings of depression.
That really hit me. I thought I was done being angry about this accident. I thought I'd put all that behind me, but this has stirred up those feeling again. If it hadn't happened, or if I'd had someone help me right away, I wonder what all would have been different. I've thought of this before, of course. But specifically the issues I had with depression and what actions that led to... those are the things that I regret the most. What if the depression hadn't crept into my life? What if I hadn't needed to cope with that depression? What if I hadn't been trying to cope and hide those feelings I was having?
I don't want to get caught up in the "what if" game. But its been on my mind today and I thought (hoped) writing it out might help those what ifs get out of my head so I can really truly start to heal.